skillful wellness

Goals Rather Than Resolutions.

kristina@skillfulwellness.com (Kristina Edler) — Tue, 01 Jan 2019 17:21:14 GMT

This year, try setting goals rather than resolutions.

Why? Because goals can never be broken. We don’t “fail” when striving to achieve a goal - we simply keep trying.

Isn’t that more effective than setting an absolute that may be too difficult to achieve?

Set yourself up for success this year- strive to be the best you can be! ��

Reducing Anger

kristina@skillfulwellness.com (Kristina Edler) — Thu, 20 Dec 2018 18:04:12 GMT

Anger is a feeling that is created when an individual perceives a threat to their well being. For example, we tend to feel anger when we believe we have been wronged, ignored, embarrassed, or hurt (physically or emotionally). It is important to identify the feelings and thoughts we experience just prior to feeling angry in order to reduce the negative effects of anger upon those we care about.

Anger is known to be a secondary emotion. It is born from a primary emotion such as pain, fear, embarrassment, etc. It is crucial that we examine and address our primary emotions in order to ensure we are communicating effectively, rather than reacting negatively.

Thoughts create the emotions we feel. All of our emotions stem from a thought- for example: if I think to myself “nobody likes me”, then I will experience feelings of sadness. We may find it helpful to reverse our steps from the feeling of anger in order to discover the initial thought. For example: I felt angry when that person cut me off because I felt scared when I thought, “ he almost caused me to get into an accident ”.

The way in which we handle anger, and our triggers for anger, are often learned by others. We have spent a lifetime observing our parents, siblings, friends, and partners act and react to situations. Understanding why you react negatively to specific triggers may increase understanding in order to help you make a positive change for the future.

Anger is a secondary emotion

Primary emotions include pain, embarrassment, sadness, fear, etc
Assess and address the primary emotion in order to prevent the secondary emotion
Understand that these emotions are a result of making a situation… about YOU (e.g. I am in danger, I am embarrassed or I am hurt )

Refocus your attention- consider all options and take the focus away from you
Ask questions!!! Example: “what I’m hearing you say is… Please clarify what you mean by that.”

All emotions first begin with a thought

Identify the thought you had just prior to the negative emotion
Consider whether the thought is productive to your well being
Transform your negative thought to a positive thought in order to eliminate the negative feelings
Decide whether you are going to allow one negative event to affect your entire day

Anger is learned by:

Watching others react negatively to situations
Observing another person being triggered by an event, situation, sound, person, etc
Having others tell us what should trigger our own anger

Melt Away the Winter Blues

Mon, 12 Feb 2018 21:52:20 GMT

Although love is in the air, the month of February tends to be cold and dreary. We find ourselves feeling sad, anxious, tired, hungry, and claustrophobic. If you don’t mind feeling this way, then revel in it! Eat that donut, take that nap, and watch sad movies until Spring. Otherwise, you may want to try some of the following tips to combat those winter blues.

Spring is just around the corner. By attempting some of the above suggestions,
you may be able to tolerate these final winter days.

Consider this- winter serves a purpose for the environment, animals, and humans.
What purpose does it serve you?
Happy February!

Summer Stress Relievers

Mon, 28 Aug 2017 20:01:32 GMT

It’s summer!!! You have spent months looking forward to hot days, endless sunshine, and warm nights. But while many of us are going to the pool, having barbecues, or spending the day at amusement parks, others are dealing with the day to day struggles of life. Unfortunately, the summer does not erase our responsibilities. We still have to go to work, entertain the children, and create a serene space in our yards for our dogs to poop. So how can everyone make this a summer to remember? We can begin by letting go of those things that are out of our control and by practicing some of these stress relieving tips.

Get moving! Exercise creates endorphins, which in turn, improves mood. Go for a morning or evening walk. It’s hot out there, so make sure you are well hydrated and try to get out during the cooler times of the day. Or, if walking is not your thing, try yoga. Yoga is calming and enables one to become more aware of their own body and mind.

Get connected. No, not with technology! Call or meet with a family member or friend. From the moment you came into this world, others have helped you obtain basic needs; given you support; or helped you achieve a goal. In times of massive stress, friends and family can be a positive light- either to offer assistance or as a great distraction.

Plan a fun activity. Whether it be a picnic in the park or a long vacation, having something fun to look forward to is helpful when trying to get through a trying time.

Do not live beyond your means. Budget your finances and ensure you are able to afford that vacation or the new outdoor furniture. You do not want to set yourself up for a negative attitude towards your summer when the payment comes due right around the holidays.

Observe. Sit outside and watch the trees sway in the breeze. Listen to the birds sing. Smell the flowers. Catch fireflies. Gaze at the stars. Taste your favorite flavor of ice cream. ENJOY the world in which you live.

Positive thinking. Turn your negative thoughts into positive. “Great, I’m stuck in traffic”- it’s a few minutes of peace and tranquility before you arrive at your destination. “I can’t afford to take my family on a vacation”- take your family to the river or lake for a picnic and some fishing. “It’s soooo hot outside”- only 6 months until you are freezing cold in a foot of snow. There is always a positive spin- find it!

Deep breathing and stress cannot coexist. (Not sure who said it, but it is on a sign in my office- so it must be true!)

Play with a puppy or kitten. If you are not allergic, go to one of the many stores with pets for adoption, or the local area humane society. Those adorable pets are waiting for some human contact, and petting a dog or cat is known to help relieve stress. If you decide to take one home, just remember #4- pets are expensive!

Play in the dirt. Studies have shown that dirt microbes can reduce depression and improve health. Plant a garden of veggies or roses. You will have the ability to nurture something, enjoy the beauty and/or sustenance, and experience health benefits as well.

Summer only lasts a for a few short months. Enjoy it while you can and make it a time to remember!